


Delhi Nights, Allahabad Nightmares

by Ashley2011



Series: Kartik and Aman: A love story [1]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Gentle Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Makeout Session, Realisations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley2011/pseuds/Ashley2011
Summary: "The uneasy feeling in his gut returns with full force when Aman doesn't pick up his call. He calls two, three, four more times. Kartik's mind drifts to frightening scenarios. No stranger to hate crimes or "accidents", he suddenly fears for Aman's life. He hurriedly leaves, locking up the flat, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder, praying that Aman picks up his call."After Aman and Kartik return to Delhi, safe and sound, things quickly go back to how they used to be. normal, mundane, routine. but there is an undercurrent of something Kartik can't quite put his finger on.
Relationships: Kartik Singh & Goggle Tripathi, Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Series: Kartik and Aman: A love story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646779
Comments: 84
Kudos: 120





	1. Prologue: The Calm Before the Storm.

**Author's Note:**

> hello all. I wanted to write this "darkness before the dawn" kinda story. here's my second offering to this fandom. I hope y'all enjoy it.

It's been four days since their return to Delhi, but Kartik can sense something is off about Aman. Nothing much is obvious on the surface. Aman still gives epic resting bitchfaces when Kartik resorts to unnecessary dramatics. He is still the first to wake up in the morning and prepare tea for both of them, and he still indulges in Kartik's requests for head massages. After the emotional family drama they had to go through in Allahabad, Kartik thought Aman would take some time to recover from that. They quickly go back to their usual easy camaraderie, interspersed with occasional moments of deep-rooted affection. Things are back to normal.

Despite the normalcy, for some unknown reason, Kartik is left with an uneasy feeling in his gut.  
...

Kartik likes to see Aman relaxed, at ease, in their little bubble of comfort, and will often just stare at Aman doing mundane things around their flat. Now though, he notices an undercurrent of something brewing underneath Aman's calm demeanor.

On Friday, Kartik is rummaging through their shared wardrobe, looking for a T-shirt to wear after having taken a shower. He looks up from his search to find Aman staring at him blankly from across his desk, biochemistry textbook lying forgotten. Kartik never passes an opportunity to tease Aman. “Like what you see?“, he asks Aman, wiggling his eyebrows, lips curving into a smug smile. Aman usually blushes and looks away when Kartik calls him out on his staring, but this time, he doesn’t blush or do anything, he simply sighs, and goes back to his textbook. “Don’t dawdle Kartik, Devika is not gonna wait forever. And do visit the petrol pump once you get the bike, okay? Might as well do a full servicing after what happened,” he says, turning a page of his book. Kartik knows he is purposely diverting, but he doesn’t comment on it. Because getting their motorbike back is a priority right now. He gets ready soon and before he goes to meet up with Devika, he drops a kiss on Aman’s forehead, leaving him to study for his Ph.D. entrance. As he moves away, Aman looks up, grabs Kartik’s wrist and kisses his hand. Kartik simply melts at the gesture. Aman smiles his shy smile at Kartik’s dopey expression. Maybe he is overthinking this, maybe Aman is alright, just in one of his gloomy moods. With this thought, he gives Aman’s hand a gentle squeeze and ventures out.  
...

It is Saturday, and preparations for dinner are underway. Aman peels potatoes, while Kartik chops carrots. They banter back and forth about something trivial, going about their work side by side in their cozy little kitchen. Once Kartik is done with the carrots, he picks up a broccoli and proceeds to break it off into bite-sized pieces. Aman looks sideways from his pile of potatoes and stops moving altogether. Kartik doesn’t realize at first and continues on with his chatter.  
“So when they decided that a flash mob performance was the best way to go about it, who was I to-Hey, what happened?”  
Aman breaks out of his reverie and resumes peeling the potatoes.  
“Nah, nothing, you continue with your story.”  
“No, tell? Something’s up!”  
“Its nothing yaar.”  
“Aman, look at me.”  
Aman sets down the peeler and the potato and looks at Kartik. “It really is nothing. It’s actually quite stupid,” Aman says, shrugging, “I just-for a moment I thought you brought home some kaali gobi.” 

A pin-drop silence follows this statement. 

Kartik valiantly holds in his laughter, because he knows it will not be well received at the moment. He will probably receive a well-aimed elbow to his gut for his efforts, what with Aman so close by. “Don’t laugh,” Aman grumbles, going back to his potatoes, “I told you it’s stupid.”  
Aman looks more dejected than is suitable for this situation. Something nags in the back of his mind. Kartik abandons the broccoli and latches on to Aman’s shoulders, nuzzling his face against Aman’s ear.  
“Aww, my baby is not stupid, he’s just forgotten to wear his glasses. Again.”  
“Kartik, how many times will I remind you? I don’t need to wear them while cooking, I’m hypermetropic.”  
“Uff, you and your big words.”  
“Fine, those are reading glasses. Happy?”  
“Mmm.”  
“Also, you are the one who grumbles about the glasses when you can’t kiss me properly because of them.”  
“You just have to remind me that every time, hain?  
“Well, it’s true. You get way too excited and forget about the glasses perched on my nose. EVERY TIME.”  
“Yeah, well, what can you do?” 

Aman turns around to face Kartik, who sports a cocky smile on his face. He is trying to divert Aman’s mind from this little faux pas, and he knows that this particular smile infuriates Aman to no end. Sure enough, he takes Kartik’s face in his hands and proceeds to wipe that smile off Kartik’s face. Kartik momentarily forgets the underlying worry he feels for Aman. They lose themselves in this brief infinity, in their shared intimacy. Aman was right, he could be passionate too, and he shows now, just how much passion he harbors for Kartik. The kiss leaves them both breathless, and they rest their foreheads together, arms encircling each other's body. 

Kartik understands Aman, he truly does. That’s how he knows that as they bask in the afterglow of their kiss, Aman’s mind has started to wander. He starts to fidget in his arms. He knows Aman will tell him when he’s ready, but he can’t help but tilt his chin up and ask “Everything okay, jaan?” 

“Of course. You are here, everything is fine,” Aman says sincerely. And Kartik believes him. He holds on to Aman, just for a little while longer, until his very practical, very rational-minded boyfriend (husband?) says, “Let’s get back to preparing dinner, shall we?” 

Things are going to be just fine.  
.....  
It takes a Tuesday night for the illusion of normalcy to shatter.


	2. Clouds Forming, Thunder Rumbling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman is yet to return from a simple errand, and Kartik worries. Aman, on the other hand, is overwhelmed and needs some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes a dip into angst :'(  
> Also, this chapter is told from both Kartik and Aman's POV and the change in POV is denoted by :  
> ...  
> ...  
> ...  
> on with it!

It takes a Tuesday night for the illusion of normalcy to shatter.

Aman had left their flat, mumbling something about making a trip to the nearby ATM kiosk. Kartik, engrossed in a phone conversation with Rajni, had simply waved him goodbye.

That was quite some time ago.

He was so deep into gossiping with Rajni that by the time he disconnects the call, he realizes that Aman had been gone for more than half an hour. The ATM kiosk was a two-minute walk from their flat, near the municipal park. There was no reason for Aman to be so late. Until he went somewhere else. For the life of him, Kartik can't understand where Aman would go, at 9 pm on a weeknight. The uneasy feeling in his gut returns with full force when Aman doesn't pick up his call. He calls two, three, four more times. Kartik's mind drifts to frightening scenarios. No stranger to hate crimes or "accidents", he suddenly fears for Aman's life. He hurriedly leaves, locking up the flat, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder, praying that Aman picks up his call. He breaks into a run in the direction of the kiosk, worry dictating his actions.  
When he reaches the ATM kiosk, the area is deserted, not even the security personnel is at his post. He makes a circuit around the area, the phone still pressed to his ear, shouting out Aman's name. A few stray dogs bark at him, but there is no sign of his beloved. Kartik is at his wit's end. He goes to a deserted bus stop, sits down on one of the metal seats and surveys his surroundings. He can hear faint strains of shehnai, probably playing from the nearby community wedding hall he had passed on the way. He takes deep breaths, trying to calm himself. If he panics, he knows he'll be useless. He is mentally making a list of places he should check next when his eyes land on the park entrance right across the street. Though the main gate is locked, he spots a side gate that is short enough to climb over. He suddenly wants to go check inside the park. In all probability, Aman is not there, but he is running out of ideas at the moment.  
Kartik crosses the street, climbs over the side gate and enters the park. It is a well-maintained park, mainly for children, as is obvious from the various swing sets and slides scattered across the park compound. The park looks deserted at first glance, but it was hard to know for sure, what with most of the installed yellow halogen lamps out of commission. Kartik scans the benches and concrete stools as he walks around. He's not sure if he should be inside an apparently locked municipal park, so he decides not to shout and call out for Aman. Instead, he re-dials Aman's number and waits for the call to connect. Within seconds he simultaneously hears the call connecting, as well as a distant sound of an extremely familiar ringtone. Kartik's eyes widen, realization dawning on him that Aman is close by. He follows the sound of " _Yeh Dosti hum nahi todenge_ " blaring from Aman's phone (Kartik had set the personalized ringtone a few months ago). He takes a turn in a cobblestone path and stops abruptly.

Aman sits cross-legged beside the foot of a life-sized concrete elephant statue, his back to Kartik, staring off at a distance. His phone lies abandoned by his side, the display light still on. Kartik feels a brief flash of anger and then, overwhelming relief. Damn this stupid boy, for taking off without any warning, and not even taking his calls, scaring Kartik so thoroughly. Bottling all his conflicting emotions, Kartik approaches Aman carefully, who is yet to notice that he is no longer alone. He sits down quietly beside him.  
"Aman", he whispers. Aman straightens his spine immediately, lowers his head, and closes his eyes. And now Kartik knows for sure that something is grievously wrong. He believes Aman's eyes are the windows to his soul. Him closing his eyes upon realizing Kartik is there means the situation is worse than he had perceived it to be. Kartik gets restless. He really becomes clueless when Aman just shuts down. He scoots closer, and lowers his head, trying to see Aman's expression. "Hey, baby, are you alright? Why didn’t you pick up my calls?" he continues to whisper. He doesn't know why he's whispering, but the air around them feels fragile, as if raising his voice will shatter this stillness around them. He rests his palm on Aman's nape, stroking gently, knowing that this point of contact relaxes him. Only this time, instead of relaxing, Aman stiffens even further, curls into himself, and starts sobbing violently. Kartik keeps his alarm under wraps and pulls Aman to his chest without any hesitation. The sinking feeling in his gut is back, and Kartik knows that his intuition, the feeling that something was off, was not baseless. He just wishes he wasn’t right, though. Nothing is worth watching his love suffer. Aman clings on to him tightly and Kartik tries not to cry because the sight of Aman so desolate is breaking his heart. There will be time later to ask what exactly triggered this. For now, his only job is to sit in the middle of a children’s park at night amidst a background score of barking dogs and shehnai music and trying to comfort the love of his life.  
....  
....  
....

Aman lets himself be held.

The entire week had taken a huge toll on his mental health, and now he can’t hold back anymore, not when faced with Kartik’s non-intrusive, yet inevitable questions. A rational part of his brain is thinking that Kartik must be extremely irritated by his behavior by now. But then, this is Kartik, and no one in the world understands Aman better than this incredibly kind person, who's now rocking him back and forth and murmuring assurances in his ear. Aman's sobs subside after some time, and he feels the emotional equivalent of being wrung dry. He lifts his head from Kartik's shoulder, and straightens up, avoiding his eyes. Kartik gently lifts his chin up, and says, "Aman? Will you at least look at me?" And how can Aman say no? This is the love of his life, he will probably jump into the Ganga if he tells him to. Aman tentatively lifts his eyes up to meet Kartik's, and even though it has been years since he first got mesmerized by the pools of brown, those eyes still can make him lose his train of thought. No one has ever looked at him the way Kartik looks at him, now or any other time. He feels so overwhelmed that fresh tears spill over from his eyes. Kartik moves his hand from Aman's chin to his nape, rubbing his thumb in a circular motion. With his other hand, he wipes Aman's tears and says, "Want to go home?" Aman just nods. He knows they need to talk, but he doesn't want to have such an important conversation here in the middle of a deserted park, and certainly not with shehnai, of all things, playing in the vicinity. They sit for a little while longer. Aman pockets his phone which was on the ground beside him. Kartik gets up and pulls him up along with him. Kartik was about to let go of his hand, probably to give him space, and Aman could sense that. Aman holds on, refusing to let go. Kartik just smiles, lifts their joined hands, kisses Aman’s knuckles, and begins to lead him home.  
...  
...  
...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give Aman some hugs. He is in need of extra hugs right now.


	3. Storms and Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik gets a little idea about what is wrong. Aman receives all the love and comfort he can get, for the moment.

To be honest, Kartik is quite flabbergasted by the strange turn of events that occurred in the last few minutes. Aman breaking down like that is a rare sight in itself, and then Aman refusing to let go of his hand, when he was never the one for too much PDA in public, left him surprised. His worry remained, as he still cannot figure out why Aman was out on his own and stewing on his troubles, instead of talking about it. Their walk home is uneventful, Aman walking with his head down. His grip on Kartik's hand is very strong as if it is the only thing tethering Aman to this plane of existence. Kartik unlocks the door to their flat with his free hand and ushers Aman inside. Once they take off their shoes, they both make a beeline for their lumpy sofa. They sit in silence for some time, hands held tight. Kartik almost breaks the silence a few times, because he's pretty much dying on the inside, seeing his lover (husband?) like this. But then he thinks that maybe Aman is having a far more difficult time than him, battling the demons inside his head. Most days, Aman is Kartik's rock, anchor, source of comfort, the voice of reason, but he's also a sensitive person at heart, and Kartik knows this. He again gets this feeling that whatever is bothering Aman has something to do with what happened in Allahabad, and would also explain his behavior from the week before. So he waits.  
Aman clears his throat, makes a few false starts before he blurts out, "I don't want to lose you, Kartik."  
"What!?"

Kartik is dumbfounded by this statement. Aman doesn't continue, just looks down, as if trying to make himself smaller.

During the course of their three-year relationship (and a year of solid friendship before that), Kartik has learned that when Aman has something emotional to say, something heavy weighing on his mind, he is unable to express himself if the person he's talking to is looking his way (Aman had once joked and described it as “Performance issues of another kind”). Kartik had thought a way around this problem and had introduced a solution both found amenable. He now implements it on Aman.  
"Turn around, Aman," he says, and Aman, although tense, does as he is told. Kartik helps to rearrange himself on the sofa, such that Aman's back is now turned towards him. He pulls him to his chest, encircling his arms around his torso. Once Aman relaxes fully against him, he rests his head on Kartik's collarbone. Kartik grips him tighter and rests his chin on Aman's shoulder. He knows Aman loves it when he does this (Kartik secretly loves it too, Aman's height was perfect for this kind of snuggling activities).  
After a few beats of silence, Kartik probes gently, "Will you tell me what is going on? And what was that about losing me? You know that is an impossibility right?"  
Aman sighs, and then says, "Sorry that was uncalled for. I'm always thinking that nowadays. Especially since Allahabad."  
"You are not making sense, bro. We literally came back with everyone's blessings from Allahabad. Section 377 has been struck down. There is nothing that can take me away from you, not anymore!", exclaims Kartik. He is usually good at understanding Aman's moods, but ever since their return to Delhi, he cannot get a read on him, so he is at a complete loss as to where Aman's thoughts are running to. As he is thinking about how to approach this matter, Aman interrupts his thoughts and says, "I almost lost you. You were right, I was afraid to come out. I wasn’t brave enough, and I was almost too late. I keep on dwelling on that ever since we returned. I almost got married off-"  
"But you didn't. Kusum made sure of that."  
“And you. Who would have thought of you taking her place? You could have been beaten again! You-you almost died after my father’s beating!!”  
"I didn't die, I was just unconscious, _hay bhagwaan_ -"  
" _Abbey_ you had a head injury! There was swelling, and your balance was impaired"  
"Toh? I'm okay now! No broken bones, no lasting effects!”  
"-the police almost arrested us."  
"BUT THEY DIDN‘T!"  
Aman breaks free of Kartik's hold on him and turns his body around to look at him, eyes shining with unshed tears.  
"I almost lost it all", he whispers, "You are my world, and I almost lost you. How can I forget that?"  
Now Kartik feels like an utter ass. He never meant to make Aman more upset than he already is, now they seem to be back to square one, with no solution in sight. Kartik cups Aman's face in his hand and looks at him. Aman looks back at him with all the pain and hurt in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, and says, "Kartik, I cannot forget it, my mind refuses to forget it. I keep reliving those things. I can still HEAR you screaming after every blow papa gave with the stick. I have been getting nightmares ever since we returned home! And now I’m having residual associative trauma too! I feel like gagging when I see any cauliflower or broccoli in my vicinity. When you roam around shirtless, I see your yet-to-heal bruises and feel so much guilt. I hear the sound of a _shehnai_ playing somewhere down the street, I feel like crawling out of my skin. I hear you talking to Goggle and I realize you almost didn’t come back to Allahabad. And I didn’t want to tell you Kartik, because I know all these meaningless things make no sense when I say them out loud and-“ Aman runs out of steam after his long rant and just rests his forehead against Kartik’s.

Kartik’s heart sinks. So this thing festering in Aman’s mind is actually an amalgamation of all his worst nightmares.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?”, murmurs Kartik, feeling useless in the face of Aman’s suffering.  
Aman takes a while to answer.  
“I didn’t want to draw attention to it,” he says, running his fingers across Kartik’s wrist. “I thought they’ll go away after a while. They’ll pass. I’ll adjust soon enough-“  
“And what about the other things, what did you call it, ‘Residual Associative trauma?’ I did notice, you know”  
Aman bows his head. “I-look, you had a lot on your plate too, I was actually trying to-I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

‘There he goes hiding again’, thinks Kartik, when he sees Aman unable to maintain eye contact. Kartik tilts up Aman’s face, trapping Aman with his intense gaze.  
“If you think you can become a pro at hiding your true self from me, you have another thing coming, Tripathi,” Kartik says, making circular motions on Aman’s cheeks with his thumbs. He is soon rewarded with a small, barely-there smile from Aman.  
He knows Aman has more to say, and nothing Kartik says at this moment will get through to him. But he also knows they will both make it through this, together. He just needs the light of his life to comprehend this too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kartik is gearing up to fight the demons in Aman’s head, and he’s gonna take him along for the journey. Aman is so far gone in his own head that he may have forgotten that Kartik is always going to be by his side.


	4. The Parting of Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik is absolutely unwilling to let this go, he will see this through. He won't let Aman suffer, not on his watch.  
> Aman knows he should at least try and vocalize what is upsetting him so much.  
> They both realize how much they both need reassurance from time to time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst gives way to fluff.  
> (maybe sometimes too much fluff.) 
> 
> Enjoy! ;-)

...

...

...

Aman knows he is being extremely vague about his current predicament (also, the fact that he is no wordsmith doesn't help his cause). But how exactly is he supposed to explain this to the love of his life without traumatizing him in the process? The irony of the situation is that Kartik, at least from his viewpoint, was the worse affected one in the entire Allahabad fiasco, and if anyone is to have any lasting emotional trauma, it would probably be him. But here he is, having to comfort Aman through another random breakdown. Kartik, always the attentive partner, is trying to cheer him up without words, and this brings a small smile to his lips. In the face of such affection, such patience, Aman knows he should at least try and vocalize what is the cause of his current mood.

If only he knew the correct answer himself.

Kartik pulls away a little, though he doesn't let go of Aman. "Okay, how about this: We get back to spooning the way we were a little while ago. Then you can start from the beginning; tell me all your nightmare scenarios. I'll debunk them all", he says, confidence and affection lacing his tone. Aman considers this. He knows it is difficult for him to talk about these things, but his inability to speak up is what lead to this mess. He doesn't answer Kartik verbally, just turns around, and realigns himself against his partner's (husband's?) chest. Kartik wraps his arms around his middle, just like before, and kisses his temple. Aman feels overwhelmed at such small displays of affection from Kartik. He is always in awe of Kartik's infinite capacity for love, and this time the feeling is no different. He places his hands over Kartik's, which are currently gripping him tightly. "Where to start..." Aman trails off, but Kartik catches on quickly. "Okay, I'll start. Tell me, why are the cauliflowers bothering you? The ones we eat are white as they come, so..."

"Arey _yaar_ , my entire childhood I've seen papa working on those cauliflowers, trying to find a pest-resistant strain, but where did that lead? It just gave him a God Complex. He acted as if no one knew better than him. He had no right to hurt you. You have every right to lodge a complaint against him, you know?"

"You also know, Aman, that I won't do that. They're family."

"I can't believe you forgave him, just like that!"

"Hey listen, the _kaali gobhi_ actually helped me rest our case in the end, you know?"

"Yes, mummy told me. That's why he burnt them all."

"And that's why he was willing to understand us, okay? The black cauliflowers did the trick when plain logic did not. At least something good came out of it."

"You mean, apart from saving the household from eating nothing but _kaali gobhi_ for months?"

They both laugh over the absurdity of their conversation. The fact that black cauliflower was the ultimate metaphor that got through to Shankar Tripathi was both a sobering and hilarious concept. Aman already feels a bit better than before, something Kartik always manages to do. Kartik snuggles his face into the crook of Aman's neck and huffs out a breath. "Aman", says Kartik, "You're worried about my bruises. I'm used to-"

"Don't you dare finish that thought!"

"Okay _baba_ , fine! Look, you don't have to worry about those little bruises, I am okay now."

" 'Little'? _Abbey saale_ , you fainted! The entire household was worried!"

"But I am alright now!!! And I knew what I was signing up for!"

"But I didn't! I couldn't just stand there and see the love of my life being beaten into a pulp. I had to run away."

"Yes, well, that was unexpected. You used reverse psychology, don't think I didn't understand."

"I'm sorry Kartik, I should have stayed. You could have _died_ , you got a stick to the back of your head, maybe I could have prevented that-"

"Aman, love, it's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm okay, we're okay." Aman realizes he's crying again, and Kartik is trying to calm him down, hugging him tighter to his chest. Aman takes deep breaths and tries to calm down because now that he has started to talk, he knows he has to finish this. He clutches Kartik's hands and whispers, "I meant what I said earlier. You ARE my everything, Kartik, I cannot lose you! I was overwhelmed, with so much going on, what with the rebirth drama, and I couldn't process everything at that moment. I lost sight of what mattered the most to me, I could have just....."

"Just what? You were in a situation that was not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Blame me if you must, and Rajni, for that stunt we pulled."

"Yeah, about that, where'd you meet Goggle?"

"Train station. She was trying to throw herself on the tracks and commit suicide."

"She WHAT?"

Aman swivels in his position so fast, that they both almost fall off from the sofa. Aman now sits facing Kartik, half on his lap, half on the sofa, looking for hints of mischief, but Kartik gets this somber look on his face and Aman knows that this is the truth. He wonders if his family knows this. "You talked her out of it, didn't you? You saved her life." Understanding dawns on his face. "That's why she brought you to Allahabad, that's why she helped you. Goggle is very choosy about people, but she adores you" he says, and Kartik just nods. Aman is left dumbstruck by the realization that he would have lost his sister, the only person in the family he's actually close to, if not for this wonderful man.

"Kartik, I didn't know, oh my god, we all owe you-"

"You owe me nothing. She's my family too, now. And she's the one who convinced me to come back to Allahabad. So don't you ever feel guilty, okay?" And what can Aman say?

He reaches for Kartik's hands, and brings them towards him, gently kissing his knuckles, his palms, the inside of his wrists. This miraculous, precious man is all his. He can hardly believe his luck sometimes. Kartik brings out the softer, sentimental side of him. Kartik ducks his head, and Aman knows that the same amount of affection is reciprocated.

...

...

...

Kartik is usually the one to initiate kisses, and Aman doesn't mind it the slightest (which had lead to the train fiasco in the first place). But in the rare instances that Aman initiates these little acts of intimacy, it sends a thrill through Kartik. But since he knows what makes Aman tick, he realizes that Aman is trying to delay the heavy talking and trying to distract both of them from the situation at hand.

"Aman", he says, "We are not done debunking your nightmares yet, c'mon don't distract me!"

"Oh? Only this much is distracting you? What will you do if I go any further, hmm?"

"Please don't."

"Ooh, Kartik Singh being rational!!! Did the sun rise in the west today?"

"Ah-maaan!!!!"

Kartik misses this kind of banter with him. Though Aman will deny it, he had regressed into a shell ever since Shankar Tripathi caught them making out inside the train. So Kartik is glad to see the mischievous side of Aman surface again, even if it is at his own expense.

"C'mon, don't change the topic. What's next? Hmm...oh yes, _shehnai_. What about it? The tunes getting too senti for you now, eh?" Kartik wiggles his eyebrows and asks, mirth obvious in his tone. Aman groans at that.

"No, _yaar_ , nothing like that. It gives me horrid flashbacks. That's all. Don't worry I'll get used to it."

"No, it's not that, is it? It's something else."

"Arey what else, I was almost going to get married off, to someone I didn't want to. Bloody _shehnai_ music reminds me of that”

"So what, you did get to marry someone you liked in the end, eh? Or am I just timepass?"

"What? There was no marriage that day."

"Yes, there was. You literally dragged me to the mandap, and without even proposing beforehand, mind you. Are you losing your memory so soon?"

" _Saale_ , we never completed our _pheras_ , the police arrived! Oh gods, the police!" Whatever little mirth had been present on Aman's face from their previous banter drains off in an instant. "Can you imagine what would have happened if the Supreme Court ruling came any later than that day? We both would have been in police custody! Damn, this gets worse! Every time I think I'm okay, I am reminded that we were this close to losing each other for good. All because of an outdated law!"

Kartik is sure in for an emotional roller coaster ride tonight. He doesn't remember the two of them to switch topics so many times in a single sitting ever before. Aman is clearly more agitated than he is letting on.

"Aman, you think Chaman chacha would have given up without a fight? He'd have found more loopholes than he already did. Oh, what observation skills he has! See, your family is so cool! Nothing would have happened, and nothing has happened. Concentrate on that, please, jaan?” Kartik pleads, taking Aman's face in his hands. He has never felt so helpless inside the four walls of his own home like he does now. Whenever the two of them get talking about heavy, complicated stuff, Kartik would always lighten the situation with his melodrama, Aman would put on his "Why am I with this idiot?" expression, and that would alleviate the tension somewhat. But tonight, Kartik knows that what Aman needs is not a lame Bollywood joke, but reassurance, that Kartik is right here, with Aman, and always will be, as long as they both shall live.

"Kartik, look, whatever happened in Allahabad, you should not have had to face that", Aman says, lightly caressing a purplish bruise peeking out from underneath Kartik's polo shirt collar.

Kartik feels that they are finally approaching the root of the problem, and it may be something Aman himself isn't consciously aware of. He brushes away some loose strands of hair from Aman's forehead and lets him work it out of his system.

"We fight for our rights, our lives, our love, every single day, and we don't always get what we want. Why should we have to fight? And even when we have to, victory seems to be so far away. Sometimes I want a win, Kartik." Aman says earnestly.

And there it is.

Aman thinks all this was in vain, that he is a coward, and that he's going to lose Kartik to all this. It seems like his mind was still in a flight or fight mode.

Is Aman really under the impression that they have lost? Doesn't he get it, that they are a united front?

"Aman, _jaanemaan_ , don't you see? We've already started to win! Your family has accepted us, the archaic, old fashioned law is down, and the police can't do anything anymore!" When Aman still looks unconvinced, Kartik continues, "When we fell in love, we knew it was "illegal", and we went for it anyway, knowing that this is going to be an uphill battle for us. Because love is love, after all! Do you regret this? Do you regret us?"

" _Hatt_ , what are you saying _yaar_!” exclaims Aman, shooting up from the sofa. "What did you-I could never-I am incomplete without you! I can't LIVE without you! You know this!"

Aman gets a wild disbelieving look in his eyes, the kind of look that is a mix of love fear and desperation. Kartik recognizes that look. He had last seen it when Shankar Tripathi was dragging him away from Aman at Rajni's wedding.

Aman drops back down beside Kartik, resting his head on the back of the sofa. Kartik, after having blinked back his tears, reaches forward and slips his left hand into Aman's right hand. He really needs his grounding touch now. The way Aman tightens his grip on his hand makes him think he's not the only one in need of a tether. Kartik stares at Aman's side profile for a while, and once he feels Aman and him have both regained some of their composure, he says, "Then that is our very first victory, the love we have for each other."

" _Achha_?” Aman turns to him. "What next, Mr. Motivational Speaker?"

"Black Cauliflowers are not inherently evil; in fact, their entire existence is a metaphor: that you cannot change what exists in nature."

" _Arey_ , now where did black cauliflowers come from?"

"I'm debunking the- I mean, getting rid of your nightmares, as well as declaring our victories! That way, I shall banish your stress hormones, and replenish your love hormones! Now, don't disturb me!!!"

Aman rolls his eyes (love hormones, honestly?), but he doesn't say no. So Kartik goes on.

"Rajni Tripathi is doing well and fine, and is expecting me to be an active participant of her _Bhai duj_ plans this year."

"Heh, she really likes you."

"Mmm, yes, she does. Okay next: Your family has accepted that their son prefers men, and is in love with one."

"Not accepted, still accepting. They'll take their time."

"They are getting used to the idea of 'us'. I'll take that as a win. These are all wins."

"As you say."

"As I say. Also, never downplay your bravery. You're no coward. You stood up for our love when it mattered the most."

"Easy for you to say, Mr. I-Never-Accept-Defeat! You came back for me. Even if it was an extremely foolish move, you came back for me."

"Huh, not before I fled from the scene. Your father chased me away, and I ran like a coward, didn't I? Sometimes I lose heart too, Aman."

"You're no coward-"

"And neither are you! Look, we all have our moments, and not all of those are Amitabh Bachchan moments. That's never possible. What matters is that we try."

Aman drinks in his words, like a thirsty desperate man lost in a desert. Kartik ducks his head, the intensity of Aman's gaze making him lose his calm momentarily. Aman shakes his hand free from Kartik's grasp. Before Kartik can react to the loss of touch, Aman proceeds to put his arms around his neck and bring him as close to him as possible.

...

...

...

Aman feels Kartik relaxing in their new position, with Aman's arms around his neck. Kartik may be a drama queen most of the time, but Aman can sense when he needs his touch. Kartik puts his arms around Aman's waist, half pulling him up on his lap. He can't ever refuse Kartik's brand of affection, no matter his mood. He feels a rush of something, (maybe endorphins?) flooding his system. Aman's heart is bursting with love, appreciation, and gratitude for this man, his personal superhero, and he decides to do something about it.

"Thank you, Kartik", Aman says, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Kartik, usually a person defined by movement during all his waking hours, absolutely stills, and his eyes flutter shut.

But Aman is not done yet.

"Thank you for everything you've said and done tonight," he says,

placing a kiss on Kartik's forehead.

"You pulled me out of a really dark corner I put myself in," Aman continues,

planting soft kisses on each of Kartik's eyelids.

"You're the strongest person I know, and you make me stronger too."

A kiss on his nose.

"You inspire me, every day, in all the little things you do."

A kiss on his left cheek.

"I am so lucky I have you."

A kiss on his right cheek.

"And in case it isn't clear, I'll always come back for you, too," he finishes,

planting one last kiss on Kartik's stubbly chin.

Aman leans back slightly and is greeted by the sight of a madly blushing Kartik Singh–a sight that truly works wonders for his currently low self-esteem.

"You can open your eyes, dumbo," Aman says, with a mock exasperated sigh.

"Mmm, yes. Gimme a minute. You gave me Serotonin overdose, _yaar_ ," answers Kartik, eyes still closed, a dreamy smile on his face.

Well, who is Aman to dispute that? He had learned from the best after all.

...

...

...

"You're getting way too sentimental on me, Tripathi _Ji_ ", Kartik mumbles, once he succeeds in bringing his brain back online, "I'm the one who's supposed to comfort you, instead you're the one showering me with love."

"What to do, Singh _Saab_? Love goes both ways, _hain na_? After all, you're worth it, and I know it", Aman says cheekily, referring to Kartik's oft-told, age-old dialogue. Kartik can't help it. He bursts out laughing, almost dislodging Aman from his spot.

Aman laughs along, and Kartik has never known a more glorious sound. Aman seems to have gotten a confidence boost after Kartik's reaction to all his kisses. Well, as long as Aman is happy, by any means, Kartik is happy too. They've had enough for one day.

Kartik doesn't move his hands from Aman's waist, instead, he tightens his hold.

"You feeling any better now?"

"Yes. Much, much better" Aman replies, tilting his head to one side, a residual smile still on his face. It's been days, months, years, yet here he is, always bowled over by these little smiles Aman seems to reserve just for him. By his smile alone, Kartik can analyze his mood. But, he decides to leave guesswork aside, and simply ask.

"Have I managed to debunk all your nightmares?"

"You most certainly have."

"Any more complaints? You can tell Agony Auntie Kartik!"

" _Bhak saale_!"

They both snicker, then start laughing, and once they start, they can't seem to stop. It isn't even that funny, but after the emotionally intense conversation they had just had, any sort of humor, no matter how silly, is highly appreciated.

Once they calm down considerably, Kartik asks,

"Anything else I can do for you, love?"

"Mmm, actually, you can."

"What is it?"

"Do we have any dessert leftovers?"

...

...

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture Abhi Baki hain mere dost. :v  
> Aman needs to eat something sweet, he feels totally drained you know...


	5. Rainbow After The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik goes on full pamper mode.  
> Aman loves it. He loves everything about Kartik, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew the final chapter is here. This has been quite a journey, and it would have been impossible without the support of this amazing SMZS fandom.  
> Love y’all from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

Once Kartik returns from the kitchen with two bowls of  _sooji ka halwa_ , they sit down on their living room window seat, facing outward. There’s not much to see from their window, just scattered array of buildings and trees, and a blanket of fog over the entire landscape. But then, who cares about that, when there’s a much better view in Aman’s vicinity?

As Kartik concentrates on picking out the offending cardamoms from his  _halwa_ , Aman admires how the street lamps play hide and seek across Kartik’s features, shadowing half his face, yet making his nose ring glint.

Here’s a man who is a walking-talking contradiction. Here’s a man who will tease him to no end for trivial things, and yet, will also readily fight the world for Aman- not on his behalf, but by his side, as an equal.

Aman loves him so much.

Aman scoops up a spoonful of  _halwa_ into his mouth _,_ thinking how peaceful this is, sitting with Kartik, eating his favorite comfort food. Now that he thinks about it, it’s no coincidence that  _sooji ki halwa_ is on the menu tonight. Kartik must have prepared it  in the morning, almost as if anticipating that Aman would find comfort in this particular sweet dish. Times like these, Aman feels Kartik knows his mind better than he himself does.

“ _Halwa_ is delicious, Kartik”, Aman says, waving his empty bowl at him. “Just what I needed now.“

“I’ll pass on your compliments to the chef!” Kartik says, with a straight face. Aman rolls his eyes. Kartik offers his last spoon of  _halwa_ to Aman, which he accepts, and he then takes both their bowls, meaning to go back to the kitchen.

“You stay, I’ll be right back,”  Kartik says and is gone before Aman can reply.

He returns within a few seconds, his phone and Bluetooth speaker in hand. Aman raises his eyebrows at him.

“If you really want to thank the chef, you gotta dance with him,” Kartik says, mischief lining his face.

Aman covers his face with his hand. Sometimes he cannot believe this guy.

Kartik does not let up.

“C’mon, c’mon don’t be shy my honey! Just one dance.”

“Don’t be crazy now Kartik. It’s late, we gotta wake up early!”

“And when has that ever stopped us, eh? Anyway, I’m not asking you to do  _Baraati_ dance!”

“ _ Arey _ , you know I don’t dance.”

As Kartik’s body language slowly begins to resemble that of a kicked puppy, Aman feels pinpricks of guilt in his conscience.

Kartik fiddles with his phone and Arijit Singh’s voice croons from the speaker. He then sets down the Bluetooth speaker on their center table and extends a hand out to Aman.

Aman is extremely ashamed to admit that it took him a few seconds to recognize the song. And once he does, he cannot refuse Kartik’s outstretched hand. What Kartik had not been able to do with words, he is able to do with his choice of the song- convince Aman to dance.

“There’s no pressure, Aman. It’s no formal dance. No one’s watching, it’s just you and me, in our safe space”, Kartik says over the guitar motif that is playing.

Aman just nods, doesn’t speak, as he does not want to miss a single second of Arijit Singh’s rendition of “ _ Yeh Dosti Hum Nahi Todenge _ .”

He places his hands around Kartik’s neck, as Kartik puts his arms around Aman’s waist, mirroring their position from a while ago. It takes some time to find their rhythm, and when they do, they just sway along to the music. Kartik begins to hum along as the song progresses, and he looks at Aman as he does so. Kartik has never looked at anyone like this, no one, except him. The song ends and starts again, playing on a loop, yet they don’t let go. In sync, they touch their foreheads against each other’s and continue to sway to the music.

The thing is, when Aman feels a lot of emotions at once, he finds it difficult to compartmentalize them all. He never thought his life would come to this, slow dancing with the love of his life in his living room, not having to hide from his family about who he is and whom he loves. He’s beginning to see what Kartik had meant when he said that they were already winning.

Kartik interrupts his thoughts soon enough with, “ We haven’t chilled like this in many days, you know.”

“Hmm, true. This feels nice though.”

“Heh, I knew it! You didn’t even want to give it a try.”

“Well, I can’t usually say no to you, can I?”

“Keep trying, baby, keep trying. You gonna fail every time. You can’t resist the charm of Kartik Tripathi!”

Aman’s brain function screeches to a halt.

Did he just-

It takes Kartik a few more seconds to realize what he had just said out loud and he just stops moving, eyes going big as saucers, eyebrows almost touching his hairline. 

Kartik’s delayed reaction is so comical, had it been any other situation, Aman would surely have been on the floor, laughing. They had both stopped dancing by this point, foreheads no longer touching, both completely frozen, eyes locked on to one another.

Aman is at a loss for words (which has been happening way too much tonight) and he is unable to name the emotion he feels right now.

Surprised? (Definitely)

Pleased? (Immensely)

Proud? (Absolutely)

Loved? (Always)

No, what he feels is the amalgamation of all those, and also,

Jubilation.

...

...

...

Being too caught up in the moment makes people do brave and stupid things (like Aman Tripathi had so well demonstrated in Rajni’s wedding, kissing the living daylights out of him in front of so many people), but Kartik doesn’t feel any better, as the silence between them lingers. He can see a wide-eyed Aman trying to process what he had just said aloud, and he’s left wondering whether he should say something (give an explanation maybe? Or apologize?) At least the music had come to a stop by now. One less thing to worry about. 

Aman puts him out of his misery soon enough. He steps out of the embrace and says with as much sass as one person can fit into a sentence, " _Waah saab_ , you didn't tell me you've changed your name? When did you fill in the affidavit?" 

Great. This is how Kartik dies then. Of mortification. 

Kartik chances a peek at Aman’s face. He is relieved to see that he is only feigning seriousness. He actually looks like he’s trying to contain a smile from breaking across his features. 

“What to do  _yaar_ , I often daydream of your surname spelled beside mine” Kartik says, rather sheepishly. He is still grappling with the feeling of embarrassment coursing through his body. Aman does not let him dwell on that for long. 

“Hmm, if that’s the case, don’t you think Kartik Singh Tripathi would sound much better?” Aman asks. Kartik’s head shoots up at this response, and he stares at him, eyebrows raised. “You don’t mind?” he asks in a small voice. 

Aman barks out a laugh and shakes his head no. 

“You scared me, you jerk!” Kartik exclaims, pretending to be hurt. Aman rolls his eyes at his theatrics. “Come here”, he says, pulling Kartik to sit with him on their sofa, “Listen. It’ll be my pleasure to share my family name with you.” 

The night keeps throwing surprises at them both (some nasty, some pleasant) and Kartik wonders how his heart has not given out yet.

He is caught somewhere in between laughing and crying, seeing Aman’s fond expression. He pitches forward and buries his face in the juncture between Aman’s neck and shoulder. Aman immediately wraps his arms tightly around him, one hand stroking Kartik’s hair, soothing him. Kartik closes his eyes and relaxes, unwilling to move from this position anytime soon. 

“And anyway”, Aman says after a beat of silence, “you are a Tripathi now, the family’s son-in-law. It would make sense to have Tripathi in your name,  _hain na_ ?“

Kartik nods and mumbles, “ _Sahi_. ”

“And what about me? ‘Aman Singh Tripathi’? Nah, that sounds like some politician’s name.”

Kartik snorts against Aman’s shirt collar, but doesn’t dignify that with a response, even though he agrees with the sentiment. 

Aman continues to stroke his hair, and Kartik is half asleep when he hears Aman murmur, 

“If only we had completed our  _pheras_ .”

Kartik is alert once again, but doesn’t move or talk. He understands that Aman is thinking his thoughts out loud now. 

“I wish the police didn’t arrive at that time. If they really had to play spoilsport, they could have come ten minutes later. You’re not the only one who dreams of getting married” Aman muses out aloud. 

Kartik shifts his head slightly, to look up at Aman

“What are you implying? What’s ten minutes got to do with-“ 

“Because we were taking our  _pheras_ when they barged in! Now, who’s the one with memory loss?” 

Kartik sighs. “What is done is done, what to do? At least we got to live out a little bit of that fantasy, you know, about us getting married”, Kartik says, smiling wistfully. 

“Yeah”, Aman agrees, “but I wanted that fantasy to become reality! I really thought we’d get married,  _yaar_. Only if we could complete our  _saat pheras_. ”

“Then what?”

“What, then? We’d actually, properly be married, laws be damned. And I’d actually get to call you husband.” 

Now Kartik sits up, frowning. 

"Aman, what difference does it make? You're mine, no matter if we complete the  _pheras_ or not, whether we sign some sheets of paper or not. I'm yours, heart and soul, and no documents, no rituals are needed to justify that! So if you want to call me  _husband_ ? Well, go right ahead! I'd be both honored and flattered, you know." Kartik says in a rush. Aman looks like a deer caught in headlights, hands stuck midair from when he was stroking Kartik’s hair. Kartik takes his hand in his, entwining their fingers. It looks like his “debunking weird ideas from Aman’s head” routine for today is still incomplete. 

“Tell me, Aman, what is a marriage?” 

“The union of two souls.”

“Exactly. And what do you think of our souls?” Kartik asks, gesturing between the two of them with his free hand.

Aman thinks for sometime, rubbing circles on Kartik’s wrist with his other hand before saying, “I don’t know much, Kartik, but I know this much: our souls call out to each other. We can’t live without one another.“ 

And he isn’t wrong, is he? Kartik thinks, lips curving into a smile. 

“Then tell me, Aman  _jaaneman_ , are we not already married?” Kartik questions. 

Aman smiles bashfully at this, nodding his head. 

But Kartik is not done yet. 

“Look bro, I’ve already married you in my mind, now you also marry me!” 

At this, Aman bursts out laughing. 

“Kartik, seriously?” he says in between bouts of laughter. 

“What is so funny?” he asks. 

Aman takes a deep breath and says, “Oh I don’t know! The fact that you are delivering cheesy bollywood dialogues to convince me? Or that you said ‘bro’ and ‘marry me’ in the same sentence?” 

Oh well. Kartik cannot argue with that. That does send mixed signals. 

“You are trolling me,  _hain_ ? The point still stands! Here I am, trying to make you-“ Kartik starts but is interrupted by Aman. “You don’t have to make me believe anything, you fool! I know you. I love you. I want forever with you. We live together, cook together, shop together, we are practically married! And you’re right, we don’t need ritualistic validation for what we are, what we have. You don’t have to convince me” Aman says, cupping Kartik’s jaw, “and I’d love to call you my  husband , Kartik.”

Kartik had been wrong previously. 

He isn’t going to die of mortification. He’s going to die of dopamine overdose. 

To hear Aman call him _husband_ ,voice going an octave lower..

OMFG. 

He cannot even articulate his thoughts at the moment. 

“Say that again.” he practically begs. 

Aman shifts closer to him. 

“My husband” he breathes into Kartik’s ear, making goosebumps erupt all over his skin. 

“Again.”

Aman plants kiss on his cheek before he obliges.

“Dearest husband”

“ _Phir se_ ...”

“Kartik Singh-Tripathi, husband mine” 

Kartik is lost. Lost in the sweet torture of this present moment. He doesn’t want to ever move from this spot, this moment. Only Aman can do this to him. And he’d let him. Anything for Aman, really. 

Kartik’s thought process derails completely when Aman rubs his fingers behind his ear. 

...

...

...

Let it be never said Aman Tripathi is not a good lover. 

And that shall not change, just because he has gained a new title. 

( _Husband!!!!_ ) 

No, rather, he’s going to live up to his new post , and get better. 

He knows exactly what happens when he rubs Kartik’s ear-it is, after all, his husband’s favourite erogenous zone. 

Kartik freezes for a moment, body stiffening with tension, and then he releases a stuttering breath. Aman raises his eyebrows, issuing an unspoken challenge. 

Kartik leans into Aman’s space and narrows his eyes. 

Challenge accepted. 

Even though Aman anticipates it, the intensity with which Kartik kisses him leaves him with a completely fried brain. It is a passionate, bruising and all-consuming kiss. Aman reciprocates Kartik’s every nip, every suck, every swipe of tongue. Aman angles his head just a little, deepening the kiss. His hands tug at Aman’s hair, while Aman finds his hands have taken to stroking Kartik’s ears. Kartik moans into their kiss, and Aman knows now they’ve reached the point of no return. 

They break apart to catch their breath, after a minute or maybe an infinity later. Kartik doesn’t even waste two seconds before diving in for another kiss. 

The kiss is short lived, as Aman interrupts, “Bedroom?” 

Kartik looks ready to murder, inspite of currently having the appearance of a thoroughly debauched man. He looks Aman in the eye and says, “ We don’t need to go anywhere. I have you right where I want you, husband  _pyaare.”_

And now it finally dawns on Aman, why Kartik kept asking to call him  husband  repeatedly. Just one word. How is it that one word can sound like hope, home, happiness, possessiveness, and above all,  promise , rolled into one? 

Aman doesn’t get to explore thisnewfound feeling any further than that because his husband becomes very busy in emptying his brain of any rational thought. As Kartik slowly unbuttons Aman’s shirt, leaving butterfly kisses on his collarbone, Aman tries his best to retain enough brain function to properly reciprocate too.

Well, Aman thinks after a while, as he lowers his head to capture Kartik’s lips with his own, he’s got no complaints with where this night is going, really. 

After all, this blessing of a man is solely responsible for replenishing the oxytocin in his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....the good people of the fandom, please fill in the blanks in your own brain about what happened next, because I’m no good with actual smutty writing 😅 hope you all enjoyed this little story of mine. ❤️ 
> 
> P.S. : Arijit Singh singing “Yeh Dosti” is a religious experience , you can check it out in YouTube. 
> 
> P.P.S : public opinion time. What sounds better, Aman Tripathi Singh or Aman Singh Tripathi? (Asking for Kartik, he wants y’all ‘s opinion) 😉


	6. Moodboard for the Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moodboard for the Fic

these pictures helped me visualize as I wrote. I made a moodboard out of them! :) 

**Author's Note:**

> Kartik can be very intuitive when he wants to be, even if/when Aman doesn't confide in him.
> 
> please leave kudos and comments if you liked this, they make my day! ^_^


End file.
